For just a moment, Jack felt a chill run down his spine as he recognized something of the man he'd been long before the Doctor--the things he'd been willing to do to get what he wanted, what he needed that he hoped would bring him one step closer to finding Gray. Or that he'd done just because it was that or let the anger at the universe--at himself--fester until it destroyed him.
He'd tried to bury that man, but he insisted on hanging around to be on hand for moments like what had happened in Breacon Beacons, when he'd had to face that Ianto had brought a monster into the Hub in hopes of saving her…
And moments like this. Because he knew that, no matter how much he'd regret it afterwards, he'd still do every horrible thing he knew to do to a body if it's what was needed to keep Gray safe this time. And more than that, to maybe stop his brother from doing the same thing for him, when he's so much less deserving of that sort of violent protection.
But he shoved that anxiety down into the place where he kepts so many other feelings and memories he can't allow himself the luxury of examining for more than a moment. and then he was smiling--not the way he did for a bureaucrat he's trying to get to cut some red tape, or anyone he's chatting up or a real lover. This was smaller, but somehow warmer at the same time. An echo of the way he'd look at his brother when helping him up when he fell in the sand and their parents weren't in earshot to do the important work of reassuring him.
"Yeah, good idea," the laughter in his voice was nearly genuine, as he put an arm around Gray's shoulders (he was terrified he'd never be able to really lose touch with him now, but it's a fear he could live with). "Do you want me to-" Stay with you caught in his throat, because his brother's grown and even though he's clearly broken, he might not find anyone--even Jack (especially Jack)--staying in his Nimbus a comfort. "...take you somewhere particular? Guessing you're still getting the lay of the land."
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He'd tried to bury that man, but he insisted on hanging around to be on hand for moments like what had happened in Breacon Beacons, when he'd had to face that Ianto had brought a monster into the Hub in hopes of saving her…
And moments like this. Because he knew that, no matter how much he'd regret it afterwards, he'd still do every horrible thing he knew to do to a body if it's what was needed to keep Gray safe this time. And more than that, to maybe stop his brother from doing the same thing for him, when he's so much less deserving of that sort of violent protection.
But he shoved that anxiety down into the place where he kepts so many other feelings and memories he can't allow himself the luxury of examining for more than a moment. and then he was smiling--not the way he did for a bureaucrat he's trying to get to cut some red tape, or anyone he's chatting up or a real lover. This was smaller, but somehow warmer at the same time. An echo of the way he'd look at his brother when helping him up when he fell in the sand and their parents weren't in earshot to do the important work of reassuring him.
"Yeah, good idea," the laughter in his voice was nearly genuine, as he put an arm around Gray's shoulders (he was terrified he'd never be able to really lose touch with him now, but it's a fear he could live with). "Do you want me to-" Stay with you caught in his throat, because his brother's grown and even though he's clearly broken, he might not find anyone--even Jack (especially Jack)--staying in his Nimbus a comfort. "...take you somewhere particular? Guessing you're still getting the lay of the land."