"...I don't remember what they look like anymore."
The confession is soft, more wistful and longing than agonized--and it hurts, but less when he can keep stroking Estelle's neck and leaning a little more heavily into Javic, tipping his head to rest it on Javic's shoulder.
"I can't even blame time for it, either." he went on quietly, the sorrow eliciting nothing more than a deep sigh as he kept his eyes on Estelle, who was turning into Gray's stroking and only settled when he began to rub her nose instead. "I'd forgotten I had parents for a little while by the time the Agency found me. There were things--parts of me I had to sacrifice just to stay alive, say sane. I couldn't...care or miss people or feel anything but fury. My anger is the only strength I have, has been for a long time. Without it, I'd be dead."
He hesitates, lightly thumping his head against Javic's shoulder in a gesture of affection.
"You need to know that even if you didn't rescue me, Javic, you saved me. Holding onto you, the big brother that looked after me, took care of me--loved me? It's the only thing that kept me from becoming like them. I know I'm a mess, and I know it bothers you, but I would be a monster without you."
Gray smiles a little, then leans more heavily into Javic--not quite dead weight, but enough to try and make him lose his balance a little.
no subject
The confession is soft, more wistful and longing than agonized--and it hurts, but less when he can keep stroking Estelle's neck and leaning a little more heavily into Javic, tipping his head to rest it on Javic's shoulder.
"I can't even blame time for it, either." he went on quietly, the sorrow eliciting nothing more than a deep sigh as he kept his eyes on Estelle, who was turning into Gray's stroking and only settled when he began to rub her nose instead. "I'd forgotten I had parents for a little while by the time the Agency found me. There were things--parts of me I had to sacrifice just to stay alive, say sane. I couldn't...care or miss people or feel anything but fury. My anger is the only strength I have, has been for a long time. Without it, I'd be dead."
He hesitates, lightly thumping his head against Javic's shoulder in a gesture of affection.
"You need to know that even if you didn't rescue me, Javic, you saved me. Holding onto you, the big brother that looked after me, took care of me--loved me? It's the only thing that kept me from becoming like them. I know I'm a mess, and I know it bothers you, but I would be a monster without you."
Gray smiles a little, then leans more heavily into Javic--not quite dead weight, but enough to try and make him lose his balance a little.
"So stop worrying about me, stupid."