Jack couldn't help bursting out laughing at Gray's expression and the sheer absurdity of it all. He held up a hand, pleading a moment to collect himself, before shaking his head.

"Yeah, I was shagging Ianto, the archivist who snuck his cyberized girlfriend into my Hub, and who shot Owen in the shoulder to try to stop him opening the Rift to rescue me and Tosh. Gwen is the ex-cop in my universe. Who has a flat and date nights with Rhys, when Torchwood doesn't ruin them."

He shrugged, "Can't say I'm not real thrown by your version of 'em, too. Because now I'm trying to picture Gwen handling the coffee maker, and all I'm seeing is a lot of smoke. Tell me Tosh is still your tech whiz at least, I do not want to imagine what Owen would do to Mainframe."