By the time Jack finishes talking, John is clinging to him—one hand curled against his nape, like he can protect him from the memory, the other tight around his waist like he’s afraid he might vanish if he loosens his hold for a second.
A small, irrational part of John actually is afraid. Like everything that scares John, though—even the idea of loving another man what feels like lifetimes ago—he doesn’t run from what scares him. He plows into it head on.
For a long time he just stands there, clinging, holding him, breathing with him and trying to will some measure of comfort into him. Eventually, he leans back just enough to kiss him, hands smoothing over his shoulders.
“I love you.” He whispers again, looking Jack dead in the eye—loves this, even now with what feels like Jack confessing some great sin. It’s not—he was a kid, it wasn’t his fault—but that’s a discussion for later.
“I love you, I can’t wait to meet him…and this?” John cradles his cheek in one hand and feels a little sick for feeling joy in this moment—but he can’t help it.
He can give Jack the thing he never had, right now—the thing that might have changed everything, made his life totally different.
“This is okay. Shit like this leaves a mark, we both know that…and it’s okay if you’re messed up right now. You’ll level out, feel better later, but right now? I got you…I’ll hold you together ‘till you can do it yourself, all right?”
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A small, irrational part of John actually is afraid. Like everything that scares John, though—even the idea of loving another man what feels like lifetimes ago—he doesn’t run from what scares him. He plows into it head on.
For a long time he just stands there, clinging, holding him, breathing with him and trying to will some measure of comfort into him. Eventually, he leans back just enough to kiss him, hands smoothing over his shoulders.
“I love you.” He whispers again, looking Jack dead in the eye—loves this, even now with what feels like Jack confessing some great sin. It’s not—he was a kid, it wasn’t his fault—but that’s a discussion for later.
“I love you, I can’t wait to meet him…and this?” John cradles his cheek in one hand and feels a little sick for feeling joy in this moment—but he can’t help it.
He can give Jack the thing he never had, right now—the thing that might have changed everything, made his life totally different.
“This is okay. Shit like this leaves a mark, we both know that…and it’s okay if you’re messed up right now. You’ll level out, feel better later, but right now? I got you…I’ll hold you together ‘till you can do it yourself, all right?”