That makes Jack laugh for real, bright and unforced.
"Okay, okay. I get it," he wraps his arms around Gray, breathing in his hair. "I just--I know what it's…like, going through it, over and over. Guess it freaked me out a lot to think about you knowing what it's like, too. Kinda my job as your big brother not to want you to get hurt, you know"
And that's such an overwhelmingly, wonderful painful thing to be able to say. That he gets to be able to be Gray's brother again, gets to worry about him and do it right
He can't let himself touch the topic of how hard it is to hang onto yourself when you have too much time and pain in your head, not right now. "But I'm not upset you're here, that you stayed. I could never be upset about that, no matter how it happened." He grins, "And if I ever make you even suspect I am, I will be totally okay with you clocking me again."
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"Okay, okay. I get it," he wraps his arms around Gray, breathing in his hair. "I just--I know what it's…like, going through it, over and over. Guess it freaked me out a lot to think about you knowing what it's like, too. Kinda my job as your big brother not to want you to get hurt, you know"
And that's such an overwhelmingly, wonderful painful thing to be able to say. That he gets to be able to be Gray's brother again, gets to worry about him and do it right
He can't let himself touch the topic of how hard it is to hang onto yourself when you have too much time and pain in your head, not right now. "But I'm not upset you're here, that you stayed. I could never be upset about that, no matter how it happened." He grins, "And if I ever make you even suspect I am, I will be totally okay with you clocking me again."